


darling, you are my only (love)

by orphan_account



Category: GOT7
Genre: A concept, Jackson wang - Freeform, M/M, i don't think jinyoung would be faced with this!!!!!!, i love actor park and idol park, mention!, not to be taken literally!!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-14 19:24:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13014525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jaebum sure makes Jinyoung want to sock him in the face sometimes. This is one of those times. (Or not.)





	darling, you are my only (love)

**Author's Note:**

> because i like to tear my heart out thinking about jinyoung crying. also, i enjoy imagining a gruff, emotionless jaebum forced to comfort an inconsolable jinyoungie. also, jinson bff! (i like the thought of jackson Completely Understanding how to comfort jinyoung and jaebum being quite terrible at it but jinyoung wanting jaebum anyway because even if jaebum is emotionally incapable he's still im jaebum and jinyoung wants his d*ck)

JYP PDnim folds his arms, looking pitiful. "I'm sorry, Jinyoung-ssi," he says quietly, leaning back in his chair. "There's nothing I can do. You're going to have to make a choice—your schedules are clashing and it's not professional. You know it's too late in the year for delays."

"Yes, sir," Jinyoung mumbles, staring at his hands. "I understand." 

"Good," Jinyoung's own namesake nods, peering at him with his chin lifted. "It's about time you focused on one thing anyway. The thin line that you're hopping between won't hold any longer if you keep sampling the best of both worlds, Jinyoung-ah. It's either you continue your contract with GOT7 and put aside acting for now, or you take on acting full-time and forget about being an idol. Do you understand?" 

"Yes, sir," Jinyoung repeats, monotone, still staring at his hands. "I understand." 

"Good," PDnim says, rapping his knuckles on the hardwood of his desk. Jinyoung looks up, and PDnim motions for him to go.

He looks so, so disappointed.

 

 

Jinyoung knows that it's not really his fault in a way. 

Mostly, it was just a stroke of bad luck and piss-poor timing, because _plenty_ of idols worked as actors too, even in JYPE.

It just happened to be that with Jinyoung, the grind of promoting GOT7's activities as well as the added responsibilities of having just re-introduced JJ Project didn't leave much time for acting on the side, and with that, even though he'd gotten lucky with 'Magic School', his schedules have now clashed. Again, it's not really his fault, because this could've happened to literally anyone, but for now, sitting on the floor-mattress in his bedroom, in the dark, his chest aching with unshed tears, it sure _feels_ like his fault, and it's almost as if the walls of his room are closing in on him, suffocating and daunting. For a moment, Jinyoung just sits with his knees folded in against his chest, breathing in huge, wheezing gasps, each gulp of air like a knife tearing through his throat, and then he gives in on postponing the inevitable, and cries. Anguished sobs, the kind that physically hurt as they rack and rattle his ribcage, that make his eyes go all red and blood-shot, it being so obvious what he's doing even if it weren't for the tell-tale rivulets of tears streaming down his flushed face.

He sucks in a gasp, tripping over a hiccup as his throat closes, and for one terrifying moment, it's like he can't even breathe. 

It's then, of course, because Jinyoung's life likes to fuck with him, that the door to his room opens, and he looks up to see Jaebum standing there. 

His image is silhouetted against the light pouring in from the hallway, like a kick to the back when Jinyoung's already down on his knees, because of _course_ Jaebum knows. PDnim must have phoned him, texted, maybe even called him into his office too, but the point is, Jaebum knows, and he's standing with one hand on the door-handle, an unreadable expression on his face, and  Jinyoung's too tired to decipher what the downturn of Jaebum's lips could mean. 

Exhausation tears him down in the guise of wrecked mewls that rip from his chest, and he can't even think of what to say or do, so he instinctively stutters out a harsh: 

"Get out, just, _leave me alone._ " 

And Jaebum stares, hands now in balled fists at his sides as Jinyoung fails to smother the sobs that shake relentlessly through him. 

What a picture he must make, curled in on himself and falling apart. 

He's supposed to be _stronger_ than this, stabler in fact, for the younger ones, and for Mark, and Jackson; but really, who better to see him like this than the only person who ever has? 

But then Jaebum's eyes narrow, and Jinyoung feels his gut roil. "Jinyoungie—"

" _Leave_ ," He grits out through clenched teeth, tugging at his hair in fistfuls if only to block out the sight of Jaebum in his doorway, expressionless and looking down at him. All because Jaebum's seen him like this before —read: JJ Project days weren't exactly smooth-sailing —doesn't mean it's not fucking embarrassing. Jinyoung wants nothing more in that moment than for the ground to swallow him up whole and save him of the humiliation, but this is Im Jaebum, and life doesn't exactly work like that. 

After a minute, Jaebum seems to decide what to do, and moves, except , he doesn't go away like Jinyoung asks. 

Instead, he cuts across the floor of Jinyoung's room, kicks off his house slippers and drops to his knees. He elbows Jinyoung in the ribs until he moves over and Jaebum can crawl in next to him on the mattress, both of them too big to fit properly on the cushion, so Jaebum just positions Jinyoung's legs over his lap and his chin on Jinyoung's shoulder, and tucks his forehead in against Jinyoung's neck like it's easy, a perfect fit. They sits there, for an interminable amount of seconds as Jaebum breathes calmly, and Jinyoung threatens to crumble apart, tense and unwilling in Jaebum's arms, until he lets out another strangled, rough sob, and shifts closer to Jaebum, hands clenching in the back of his shirt in tight fists. 

Jaebum lets Jinyoung move wordlessly until his face is pressed against Jaebum's shirt, white and pristine and a tissue for his tears, and he lets Jinyoung cry himself out then, calmly sitting through wave after wave of unsympathetic sobbing with a hand running through Jinyoung's tangled hair to ease him in from the edge.  

Finally, after what seems like hours, Jinyoung pulls himself together poorly, still breathing harsh gulps of air but not crying anymore.

Shakily, he manages to choke out, "PDnim called me into his office. He says I need to choose," and Jaebum sighs.

Of course, even in all its ambiguity, Jaebum _still_ knows what Jinyoung is talking about as he subconsciously smooths out any knots in Jinyoung's hair, fingers tugging through dyed strands, sticky with leftover gel. He's quiet for a moment, as if weighing out his words, and Jinyoung just feels worse when Jaebum can't seem to decide on what to say. He hums all of a sudden, and Jinyoung still has his eyes closed, the material of Jaebum's shirt soft against his face, but he can feel the vibration of it, and it scares him. He ventures his hand across the expanse of Jaebum's chest, defined through the cotton of his shirt, and when he gets to where Jaebum's heart should be, he stops, his palm flat. The beat is a full thud, heavy and consistent. Jinyoung holds his hand there, feeling the reminder of Jaebum and the proof that he's still there, the longest someone has ever been, and he relishes in that, almost forgetting that Jaebum has yet to respond to his breakdown. Jinyoung doesn't know how long they stay there, mesmerised, until suddenly he's ripped from the reverie with Jaebum's ugly words crawling slowly through his ear drum in that bored, unreadable tone. 

"Well.  _You're_  the one who's calling the shots, aren't you? You're the one who wanted the best of both worlds." And suddenly the heartbeat feels like a betrayal with JYP PDnim's exact words echoing from Jaebum's mouth, a hurtful implication of ' _this is all on you, buddy_ ', and Jinyoung withdraws his fingers like he's been burnt, but Jaebum keeps his arm tight around him, refusing to let go even when Jinyoung tries to jerk away, stung by Jaebum's antagonistic way of phrasing things and the implied meaning behind his words. 

"Fuck. You," Jinyoung says angrily, wanting nothing more than to crack Jaebum's nose with a fist, even if he does curl in closer on him. "I don't need this right now, OK? Say whatever you want when I'm not crying my eyes out, but right now, have some humility. _Please_."

Jaebum snaps his mouth shut on whatever harsh comment he had in mind, probably an 'I told you so', when Jinyoung's voice cracks on his plead.

He doesn't even reprimand Jinyoung for cussing—and _at_ him as well. In a way of surrender, Jaebum's shoulders relax and he ruffles Jinyoung's hair as if to say 'fine, I'll shut up'.

They settle into an uneasy silence, and a while later, when the tears are starting to dry on Jinyoung's face and Jaebum seems to find something nice to say, he asks gruffly, "You want me to call Jackson? You know he'd come." 

"No," Jinyoung says, shaking his head, because he doesn't want to pester Jackson to come all the way down to the dorm, nor does he want his soothing assurances and ' _always-know-what-to-say's_. He wants Jaebum, who uses gestures and not words, because Jinyoung is so sick of pretending to know how to _feel_  all the time, and, knowing Jackson, addressing how he feels is probably exactly what he'd want Jinyoung to do. Again, Jinyoung shakes his head. "Let him be. Just," he takes Jaebum's arm and puts it around his own shoulders, burrowing closer and closer and closer until he's not sure where he ends and Jaebum starts. Jinyoung shuts his eyes and rests his head against the curve of Jaebum's neck, lets himself have this moment when it's so much easier to indulge in when they're disgused by the darkness of his room. Feeling more put together now but still exhausted, Jinyoung shifts. "I want you to sit with me, OK? I just—I want _you_."

"Jinyoungie," Jaebum breathes out, and if he's surprised, it doesn't sound like it. He lets Jinyoung sit close. "Yeah, OK. I can do that." 

"Good," Jinyoung says sharply, his breaths balancing out as the dizzying black spots fade away into his peripherals, his eyes still clenched tightly.

It's only when Jaebum's hand finds his, squashed awkwardly between their bodies, that Jinyoung relaxes, posture not so stiff, thoughts not so dark, his focus shifting gradually so that what he can see alongside the blackness of his mind is _Jaebum, Jaebum, Jaebum_.

It's not such a bad muse.

**Author's Note:**

> i have a kink 4 jaebum referring to jinyoung as jinyoungie! sorry if the JJP in this is real lowkey. just imagine they have Hot Steamy Sex after or something! or don't. <3 (find me on twitter at yugbammer and talk to me about literally anything <3) (make sure to leave comments and kudos because tht really gets me going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)


End file.
